


Rebelling Angel

by CalculusandBroadway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalculusandBroadway/pseuds/CalculusandBroadway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a post-coital chat takes a decidedly macabre turn when Castiel explains the difference between an angel falling and rebelling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebelling Angel

“Dude, I’m so going to hell for that,” Dean chuckles low in his throat, the kind that Cas can feel through the vibration of the cheap hotel bed. He turns over, the rough sheets scraping his bare skin and catching on calluses that were not here when he took over from James Novak. He searches for some sign that Dean is joking, but even though he can map the other man’s body without sight, he doubts he will ever be proficient at reading human emotions. 

“You will not go to hell, Dean,” He says. His words are earnest and are met with a rough kiss that reeks of a night of sleep – and other activities besides sleep that probably don’t contribute to oral hygiene. 

“Why? Because you’ll pull me up to Heaven with you?” It’s asked in jest, Castiel can tell because the corner of Dean’s mouth turns up ever so slightly. 

“You and Sam have a room reserved among the Host.” He could ignore it, put Dean off with another kiss that would be taken as a yes, but his Grace is draining away at an alarming rate and it is a hollowness inside him that even Dean cannot touch. “Doubtful, since I will not be welcome into Heaven.”

“What?” The mood is ruined and Dean pulls away, propping up on his elbows and looking at Castiel accusingly. “Why the hell not? Is this about the rebelling thing? Anna was accepted back.”

“Anael was subjected to the equivalent of three hundred human years of torture upon her return. And she did not rebel – she fell.” He knows that the fact that Dean doesn’t understand the difference is not the human’s fault. The rules of the Host of Heaven are not posted for the mud dwelling apes to mull over and even if they were, Dean is not one to care for rules. 

“You both left Heaven. How different can the circumstances have been?” Dean sits all the way up, leaning against the headboard and the sheets draped across his body in a protective barrier. Castiel gets up, hoping he can kiss Dean and distract him, but Dean always chooses the most inopportune moments to be rational. “You may as well explain because you’re not getting near me until you do, angel man.”

“It’s complicated,” Castiel sighs. Dean doesn’t give an inch so Castiel makes himself as comfortable as possible shoved inside a vessel and his Grace diminishing at every moment. 

“When an angel falls, they lose their memory of Heaven. Their Grace is stripped away and they receive a soul. Their destination after death is determined by their life and faith, just as any human. Had this been a normal time, Anael would have been allowed to live out her life in peace. But with the Apocalypse looming and the demons searching for any clue to the secrets of Heaven, we – they – could not allow her to become that key.

“A fallen angel is not actively working against Heaven. They are neutral. There have been seventy – four fallen angels since the creation. The process itself is painful. To rip out ones Grace,” Castiel shudders, an uncomfortable spasm in his human vessel that extends into his true form and makes the lights flash. Dean, eyes trained on Castiel, doesn’t say anything. “It is the most exquisite agony one could ever experience. There are no words to adequately describe it. Nothing on Earth can compare.”

“Well, you’re forgetting I’ve been to Hell and I’m pretty sure I can imagine.” Castiel resists the urge to reach out and comfort Dean, knowing that any attempt will be awkward on his end and unwelcome on the other. 

“Yes,” Castiel concedes. He saw what Hell did to Dean, both to his soul and to his body and, while Castiel patched them up the best he could, the damage was indeed similar to when an Angel falls. “Rebelling is different. Rebelling is…rejecting the Host and working against the archangels. We do not lose our Grace quickly. Indeed, it can takes centuries before the change is complete. But our Grace is corrupted. It does not come when we need it. It behaves…erratically.” 

“What aren’t you telling me, Cas?” 

“Eventually, our…alliance shifts. It becomes demonic. Our power will come from Hell instead of Heaven. I will have no ability to contact my brothers and sisters. My Grace will be denied to me. I will be…alone.” Admitting it out loud makes the inevitability of his fate suddenly so much more real. He knew the consequence of his choice when he chose Dean over Michael and he knows that no matter how many times the choice comes to him, he will always chose Dean. 

“You’ll always have me,” Dean says, voice husky. Castiel finds himself being drawn towards the human, his Grace flaring as they touch, sending it Heavenward. “And those dicks have something coming if they think I’m going to Heaven without you.”


End file.
